Empire State

This week Meaghan and I celebrate the new year with a true story about stealing money from an armored car vault. Except this “true story” is turned up to eleven with INTRIGUE and DRAMA. Except instead of INTRIGUE and DRAMA it’s a dumb, boring story about the Greek mob and a Columbian drug dealer. I actually liked the story itself up until they follow Eddie down the Greek mob rabbit-hole after the heist. It does have one of my new favorite scenes with Liam Hemsworth’s character getting “interrogated” by the FBI at the Armored Car Facility. Anyway, Liam is a terrible actor who has no range, everyone else works really well. This would be a 5-star movie with a different lead. Like us on facebook.com/BadNetflix

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Noel

Merry Christmas BadNetflix listener. This week Meaghan and I cuddle up with some hot chocolate and watch the classic holiday film Noel. A movie about Christmas and its effect on the mentally ill. It’s actually not a “bad” film so much as all of the plots (there are 5 separate stories) are really depressing, sad, and literally crazy. One editor’s note: We (I) accidentally confuse Alan Arkin with Alan Alda throughout the entire recording. Like us on facebook.com/BadNetflix

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The Cobbler

This is an Adam Sandler movie where he puts on the shoes of other people and becomes them. There’s a few moral questions that arise from being other people, but this movie touches none of those other than a quick little sexual assault. Anyway, there’s something about drug dealers and evil real estate developers but none of it matters. Sandler runs around for about an hour as other people and then they throw some story in at the end. Its badly paced and the story isn’t even skin deep. I will say that everything else seems to be competently made, but the whole thing is so poorly put together that it doesn’t matter. This is a bad movie.

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Brace for Impact

Meaghan is out this week so I brought in a ringer substitute to help me devour this poorly put together travesty. Brace for Impact is a great title for an action movie and the homegrown terrorist angle could make for a good story. Unfortunately, everything else is fucking terrible and slow. There is a shitload of needless exposition. Relationship are flimsy, change constantly for no reason, and people disappear from the plot never to reappear. And a lot of the plot beats exist only to further the movie but have no bearing on the story. This movie has to have been self-produced because any self-respecting industry person would take one look at this script and run for the hills. Do not watch this movie, do not pass go, do not collect $200. But, do listen to us bash this thing for thirty minutes.

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