Sunday, August 28, 2016

Bring It On

Be aggressive, B…E…Aggressive! This week Meaghan and I watch a 16-year-old classic amongst high schoolers in the year 2000, and cheerleaders even to this day. That’s right…we’re watching Bring it On. Can I just say that the “love interest” alternative looking guy has the most punch able face in the world? Because he looks like a stroke victim mouth-breather. Kirsten Dunst before Spiderman and Eliza Dushku before her sci-fi turn take on those mean black girls from the ethnic school. I guess you’ll have to watch and find out how everything turns out, and how the white people learn a valuable lesson about being nice to black people. Honestly, this movie less about cheerleading and more about social class, and racism in America. Hello conspiracy theory!

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Monday, August 15, 2016

The Mercenary: Absolution

What can I say about a Steven Segal movie that hasn’t been said a million times before? Unfortunately, if you’re looking for dumb action you won’t find it in this one. Oh there’s action alright, but it’s also got a whole bunch of dumb. Meaghan and I, on our first attempt to bump up the ratings to 3 stars, still manage to find a clunker. I guess it really is true that even at 3 stars, you still get some pretty Bad Netflix.

Monday, August 8, 2016

The In-Laws

This should be a good movie…it “should” but it isn’t.

I’m upset that Michael Douglas really phoned it in, I’m upset that Ryan Reynolds is in this movie but didn’t get any sort of billing. I’m upset that Candice Bergen, yes Murphy Brown herself, one of the best parts of Miss Congeniality, is woefully underutilized in this movie.

I am NOT upset about Albert Brooks, even though this is probably the worst performance I’ve ever seen him in. Every scene with Mr. Brooks is a delight, even with Douglas trying his best to bring everything down. No one plays neurotic jew like Albert Brooks, who is my spirit animal.

But I am MOST MOST MOST upset that this is a movie about a wedding where the bride has ZERO FUCKING AGENCY. Holy shit I have never seen someone exist as a character in a film that could have literally been played by an inanimate object. Why even have her in there? Even Ryan Reynolds, the GROOM has more agency then the fucking BRIDE. Ugh come on motherfuckers that’s not how weddings work I’ve seen Bridezillas.

I had no idea what the hell was going on with Douglas’ plotline. I hate it I hate it I hate that Douglas RUINED a perfectly good Albert Brooks film. Catherine Zeta-Jones’ vagina did not give Douglas mouth cancer, his acting in this film did.

Here’s our watch-along audio stream…it even has an apology for our missed episode last week!